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The Truth About 5K Races
Posted 12-29-07
Promoters are planning to hold a 5K foot race in Treasure Island sometime in the near future and are working to gain the City's approval citing the positive contributions a foot race of this type can have on the City and the City's now failing business community.
On the surface the prospect of bringing hundreds of running enthusiasts to Treasure Island may be appealing to some, however, Gulf Beach News has uncovered a darker side to this seemingly healthy activity of participating in a 5K foot race.
I went to the City of Toad Suck, Arkansas to observe the annual running of Toad Suck 5k foot race to get a feel of what a 5K race can do for a small town. What I discovered will shock you and perhaps make Treasure Island City Officials think twice about granting permission to have a 5K race in our beach community.
I arrived early in the morning to observe the running of the Toad Suck 5K and observed a large fenced in area at the starting line. As the morning progressed lines of what appeared to be runners were ushered in at gun point into the fenced in area. Once in the fenced in area which had a prison camp air to it, the somewhat uncooperative runners where forced to drink large qualities of water.
Just prior to the start of the race I took a quick drive along the race coarse which was well marked and lined with port-o-lets. On closer inspection I discovered that the port-o-lets along the course had their doors locked and want-to-be users were unable to gain entry into the port-o-lets. At first I thought it was just an over site that the port-o-let doors were locked but I would later discover the diabolical reasoning behind limiting access to the port-o-lets.
I returned to the starting line and observed that the competitors were still being held in the fenced in area and still being forced to drink water as the race starter raised his starting gun.
"On your mark, get set, GO!" was followed by the crack of the starters gun. Two officials then opened the gates of the fenced in area and the now freed runners raced down the street. As the first runner reached the first port-o-let and fruitlessly tried to open the port-o-let's door the horror of what was taking place became painfully evident. Runners began racing from locked port-o-let to locked port-o-let in a vain attempt to pass all the water they had been forced to drink while being held captive in the fenced in area.
Spectators watched in amazement as the mass of runners moved along the course
lined with port-o-lets desperately trying to find an unlocked port-o-let as race officials yelled "There are open port-o-lets at the finish line!"
Runners, many now in agony, used every bit of their energy running towards the line of open port-o-lets positioned just past the start finish line. The weaker runners found nearby trees and bushes to hide in as they let their pain pass while stronger competitors showed their metal making to the finish and the promise of an open port-o-let.
At the finish line the sounds of humans in ecstasy rang from the open port-o-lets as the forced fluids made it's way from the bowels of the runners to the holding tanks of the port-o-lets.
As I made my way back to my car I over heard one race official tell another official, "Now, that's how you get a 5k race over with in a hurry."
