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Exit Polls
Do Island residents believe Treasure Island is headed in the right direction? The results of an exclusive exit poll conducted by T I Beach Bums indicate that many Island dwellers feel their beach is turning into quick sand.
T I Beach Bums hired the polling company of Larson E Whipsnade and Associates to query voters as they left the Community Center on election day. The president of Whipsnade and Associates, Larson E., assured T I Beach Bums that, between adult beverages, his workers polled a true cross section of T. I. residents.
The exit poll clearly shows that there are many important issues that the City
Commission has either failed to address or refuses to address. The poll also indicates that residents want more far reaching laws included in the City Charter which, as you read this, is being reviewed by a biased, err, slanted, err, an opened minded group of concerned citizens.
Poll Results:
1. Do you feel it should that there should be a City Charter banning men from wearing socks with open toed sandals?
Yes 99%
No 1% ( This respondent was wearing blue argyle socks with opened toed sandals)
2. Are you really tired of seeing the guy drive around town with the sign on top of his car declaring he was dumb enough to buy the car, which turned out to be a lemon, from a local car dealer?
Yes 99%
No 1% (This respondent drove off in a car with a sign declaring he had purchased a lemon
from a local car dealer.)
3. Should it be in the City Charter making it a felony for an extremely over weight male to wear a Speedo bathing suit?
Yes 99%
No 1 % (This respondent did not speak English but did have a French passport and a current Voter’s Id card with instructions on how to vote for John Kerry provided by a MoveOn.org representative stationed outside of the Community Center.)
4. Do you think the pirate ship that is paraded around town on a trailer during special events should dragged out into the Gulf and turned into an artificial reef?
Yes 99%
No 1% (Respondent was an overweight French tourist wearing a Speedo and wanted his picture taken with the ship before it would be hauled off.)
5. Should Treasure Island have special events that people actually attend?
Yes 99%
No 1% (Respondent was an over weight French Tourist wearing a Speedo who was afraid a large crowd would prevent him from getting close to the Pirate Ship.)
6. Do you believe that the sand sculptures that are being placed around Treasure Island should depict erotic scenes from the movie “Last Tango in Paris?”
Yes 99%
No 1% (Respondent was an elderly female who wacked the pollster over the head with a parasol.)
7. Should it be included in the City Charter that after completion of the new draw bridge and the discontinuing of tolls, that tolls should be continued and increased for vehicles with Canadian license plates?
Yes 80%
No 20% (Respondents were Canadians who were voting after receiving voter ID cards from MoveOn.org members.)
8. Do you believe the new Police Boat should also be used for sunset scenic cruises in order to raise more revenue for the City?
Yes 1% (Respondent was an over weight French tourist wearing a Speedo swim suit who wanted to go on a sunset cruise after having his picture taken with the pirate ship.
No 99%
9. Will the road work on Gulf Blvd ever end?
Yes, when a giant asteroid crashes into and destroys the earth. 50%
No 50%
And last but not least,
10. Should the Pirate on the City emblem be changed so he wearing only a hat, Speedo swim trunks and black socks with a pair of opened toe sandals.
Yes 99%
No 01% (Respondent was a elderly female was voting a second time with a voter ID card supplied to her by the good folks from MoveOn.com who hit our pollster in the head with her parasol.)
T I Beach Bums and Larson E. Whipsnade guarantee that this poll is 100% accurate with a plus or minus factor of 99 points
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