Florida Offshore Oil Drilling

Gulf Beach News

SLIDING TO DISASTER!
CITY HALL TRIES TO PULL A FAST ONE

(T I Beach Bums 2003)

Red faced city officials stumbled for answers when confronted by Investigative Reporters from T. I. Beach Bums. When asked about the alleged water slide erected on the municipal beach one city official constantly answered "No comment". Other officials stammered out excuses like "it depends on what the definition of what is." Panic took over City Hall as T. I. Beach Bums reporters pushed for answers. The police finally responded and our reporters were removed from City Hall without getting answers.

What City Hall is afraid to admit is the shocking revelation of what the water slide really is. Acting on a tip received several weeks ago, our investigative team began to take a closer look at the water slide. Why was the slide there? Who gave permission for the slide to be erected on the beach? And why was there never anyone actually sliding down the contraption?Posing as tourists, our reporters began staking out the Slide slide. One of the first discoveries made was the fact that slide workers were not wearing Parks and Recreation shirts, but were wearing Shell Oil shirts. It was also discovered that a hose attached to the slide was not pumping water to the slide but a dark oily substance from the slide.Fearing the worst, T. I. Beach Bums contacted the Environmental Protection Agency. Special agents responded and worked undercover with our reporters. A special camera recently developed by the Defense Department was brought in from Washington. The camera, which takes X ray type pictures, brought our fears to reality. This was not a slide.

At the same time, a City Hall employee contacted T. I. Beach Bums and wanted to arrange a meeting with our investigative team. A meeting was arranged with this individual who called himself "Deep Anus" and the horrific truth was revealed.

With a shortage of funds to complete the bridge projects, City Hall contracted with a Oil Rig major oil company to begin drilling for oil of the coast of Treasure Island. An off shore rig had to be built in secret. The plan was simple, construct what appears to be a water slide on the beach which in reality is an off shore oil rig. Cover the rig with bright colored plastic until the construction is done. Once the rig is ready, tow the rig to a location just off Sunset Beach. This is to be done after the bars close on a Friday night. That way, no one on Sunset Beach would be sober enough to notice the rig until the following Thursday. Once the oil started to flow so would the cash needed to finish the bridges.

State and Federal officials have stepped in and ordered a stop to the clandestine oil rig project. City officials have promised to turn the rig back into a slide. Whether or not anyone will use it is unclear. State and Federal officials did admit that there was nothing they could do about the residents of Sunset Beach.

City officials have come up with new plan to raise funds for the bridge project. With the increasing amount of vacant lots in Baghdad, the possibility of selling the clock tower to the new Iraqi government will be explored.