Florida Sea Turtles

Gulf Beach News

Turtle Attacks Tourists

T I Beach Bums has learned that shortly after sunset one day last week, two small children were attacked by what experts are calling a “Homicide Sea Turtle” on a dark stretch of beach just north of Trailshead Park.

“This is a very alarming turn of events” Professor Hugo Hackenbush of The Institute told T I Beach Bums, “Not since the demise of the dinosaur have we seen such behavior from this type of reptile.” Florida Gulf Coast Sea Turtles

According to a secret report uncovered by T I Beach Bums, just after sunset last Thursday two children were playing in the sand just a few yards from the Gulf. When the children turned their backs to the surf the creature stealthily crawled from the water and onto the beach. As the children were occupied with beach play, the shelled rapture quietly moved towards the children’s location. Just as the mighty beak of the vicious beast reached for the children they turned, realized what was happening and even though gripped with fear, the children were able to flee from certain death.

The children immediately told their parents who then contacted local officials. According to the documents uncovered by T I Beach Bums, when officials responded to the scene they discovered the turtle had already left the area but tracks leading from and tracks leading back into the water were found. However, a tourist walking near the children’s location was able to take a picture of the creature as it approached the children.

Florida Gulf Coast Sea Turtles Local turtle lovers scoff at the report. “Simply two small children with over active imaginations” says Emily Upjohn of the Treasure Island Turtle Society (T.I.T.S.), “there is no way a harmless sea turtle is going to crawl out of the ocean and attack children playing on the beach.”

Professor Hackenbush disagrees. “These creatures are direct descendants of some of the most vicious animals to ever walk the face of the earth. Our research has shown if you combine the sea turtles genetic past with rain water runoff from the yards of Treasure Island homeowners the final equation spells disaster.”

According to Hackenbush the uncontrolled rain water runoff from Treasure Island homes has so badly polluted the Gulf that sea creatures are mutating back into carnivorous dinosaurs. “This is just the beginning” bemoans Hackenbush, “Our research suggests that after the sea turtles mutated grouper will be next. In the very near future that grouper sandwich you are enjoying is going to bite back.”