Treasure Island Florida City Hall

Gulf Beach News

She Had Fun Fun Fun Till The Commission
Took The Beach Away

“Fun? Fun? I don’t need no fun. I don’t have any stinkin’ fun.” Though Commissioner Kraus didn’t actually say this you know he was thinking this way when he, without hesitation or second thought, said he was against the rental of segways on Treasure Island’s Beach Trail.

T I Beach Bums has learned that Kraus’ no fun philosophy will soon completely take City of Treasure Island over the City’s government. Once known as the Sand Castle Capital of Florida, Treasure Island will soon be known as the “City of No Fun Allowed”.

“This community and this beach are for “relaxation”, not for having fun.” A resident who claims to be close to several of the Commissioners told T I Beach Bums. “The very concept of anyone enjoying themselves while on Treasure Island is simply unimaginable.”

City employees have been kept busy changing signs that include the City’s seal which has been changed to reflect the Commission’s belief that fun is as bad as tall buildings. The Commissioner’s new slogan is “No Tall Buildings, No Fun.”

City of Treasure Island In fact, T I Beach Bums has learned that a group has formed to begin the process to create a new City Charter that would make it illegal for anyone to have fun on Treasure Island. A spokesperson for the group claims that he has organized “Friends of Richard” which will spearhead the campaign to stop fun on Treasure Island. “I am currently the only member of “Friends of Richard” however I am sure someone else in this town at least doesn’t dislike Richard.”

The new City Charter will make it illegal for anyone to have any fun while within the City Limits of the City of Treasure Island and especially make it illegal to do anything on the beach other than relax. “Such activities as laughing, children playing or being engaged in any other activity other then lying around like a beached whale will be considered to be having fun and hereto considered an illegal activity within the City of Treasure Island.”

The Charter will also include a requirement that anyone who enters the area of the beach must sign and have registered with the City a form signed under oath guarantying the City that once you step onto the sand of the beach you will walk directly to where your are going to relax and once you arrive to relax and then leave the beach without having any fun.

A petition to eliminate fun from Treasure Island will soon be made available for fun hating individuals to sign. Apparently the first four signatures will be supplied by the City’s Commissioners.